Empowerment and Healing: Exploring 'It Ends with Us' for Therapy
I read It Ends with Us by Colleen Hoover in March 2023. I immediately connected to the story given the nature of my work, my research, and the stories I have heard in my personal and professional life. Now that the story is back in the limelight because of the movie release I thought it would be a perfect time to share how this book could be used for bibliotherapy.
I have not yet seen the movie, although I plan to, but I want to make it clear that this post is based on the story in the book. I assume that there are things in the movie that may be different.
There are spoilers in this post, so if you plan on reading the book or seeing the movie you may want to stop reading now.
If this were a six session therapeutic bibliotherapy group the breakdown would be:
Screening: Interested participants would be screened to make sure they are a good fit for the group and can commit to attending the sessions. Some people are not ready to be a part of a group because they still need to work on their individual goals. It is also important to remind/address the sensitive nature of the topics that will be explored with this particular book to make sure that the potential group member will be comfortable and active in the group.
Pre-Work: Clients would be asked to read the book or at least a portion of the book prior to the first session. This is important to begin the group in a meaningful way. I would ask that group members finish the book by the second session.
Session 1
The group leader will discuss confidentiality, creating a safe space, and initiate introductions.
Once introductions are complete then the members can decide the group rules together.
Members will be given their Bibliotherapy Workbook.
We will start by reviewing the workbook and going through the assessments. By doing this each member of the group will be able to identify their own feelings and issues that they want to work on while in the group. This will be different for everyone and it is an important part of the group process. It establishes the individual goals and needs that they want to focus on while they are a member of the group. This is what makes the group therapeutic and not just a regular book club.
Introduction to the Book
Once the stage is set for the group then we can start with an overview of the story. This is why it is important to read the book or establish a certain amount of the book that must be completed before the first session. You want everyone to have the same information; the session shouldn’t be consumed with worrying about spoilers for people who didn’t finish or people being lost because they don’t know the plot.
Overview: This story is about a young woman, Lily, who is exploring her adult identity while processing the complex grief around her abusive father’s death. The story follows Lily as she develops a relationship with a man named Ryle and struggles with her career outlook. As her relationship with Ryle becomes more serious he becomes physically and mentally abusive toward Lily. While this is happening we also meet a childhood friend of Lily’s, Atlas, who tries to protect Lily. The story ultimately focuses on Lily working toward feeling empowered to break the cycle of abuse she lived through growing up by leaving Ryle.
Themes: Grief; domestic violence; complex trauma; attachment/parent-child relationships; early adulthood and identity development; career decision making; friendship.
You can ask the group what they think the themes are and you can write them down, have them write them down in their workbook, and/or put them on a virtual whiteboard or shared slide for everyone to see. The group leader can simply say: Let’s share what we see as the key themes in this book.
During the first session there likely won’t be time to dive deep into the themes. However, allowing everyone to begin sharing what they noticed in the book will build the rapport between members and start the process of connecting to the material.
The session can end with a review of what was discussed (confidentiality, group rules, and workbook). Everyone can be given homework to finish the book and complete at least one of the “Processing” pages in the workbook.
Session 2
Check-In: See how everyone has been since the last meeting. Remind them of group rules/confidentiality. Ask if everyone has finished the book. If anyone has not this can be a part of the group discussion. Often this can get people to start sharing their feelings. We want to avoid shaming people; instead we want to get to know them and support them.
Deeper Exploration of Key Themes and Characters
Below are some themes that a participant in a therapeutic book club might take note of as they read and how those themes might be explored during a group session. These are things that group members likely have written in their workbook (as part of the homework).
Domestic Violence and Abuse: The cycle of abuse as portrayed in the book is a main point of discussion. Participants can be encouraged to reflect on how abuse can be subtle and how it impacts self-esteem and decision-making. The cycle started with Lily’s parents and she shares her view on how her Mom dealt with it, as well as a variety of feelings she has toward her Mom for staying in the marriage. These are complex feelings that anyone who has these experiences can likely relate to.
Empowerment & Breaking the Cycle: Highlighting Lily's journey in recognizing the need to break the cycle of abuse is critical, especially for those who connect with this story. Discussing how this mirrors real-life challenges in leaving toxic relationships can make participants feel seen and is an important point for those who have not experienced this and see leaving as “easy” and staying as a choice.
Forgiveness and Healing: Exploring the theme of forgiveness, not just towards others but also towards oneself will help to focus on the importance of self-compassion in healing from trauma.
Character Analysis
Some people will find more of a connection to the characters than the themes. Here are some ways to bring the characters into the therapeutic setting:
Lily: Discuss her strengths, struggles, and growth throughout the book. How does her character evolve, and what can participants learn from her journey?
Ryle: Analyze his character, focusing on the complexities of his personality, his charm, and the darker aspects of his behavior.
Atlas: Consider his role as a contrast to Ryle and what he represents in terms of healthy relationships and resilience.
Alyssa: Consider her role in supporting Lily and challenging Ryle. She represents the role of someone put in particularly complicated circumstances who finds ways to help and support and does not abandon her friend.
During the session I would provide a journal prompt and ask everyone to spend 5-10 minutes working on the prompt. See some suggestions for prompts below. Then allow time for sharing and group discussion. Based on the direction that the conversation goes in the leader may want to suggest starting the rest of the sessions with journal prompts.
Sessions 3-5
The agenda/topics for sessions 3-5 will be determined by the direction the group takes the discussion each week. The group leader will also be able to gauge what works best for the group as far as homework and group activities. Some groups might lean on discussion more than anything else, while others might take more to journaling or even art therapy modalities.
My goal would be to have everyone write a letter to be shared during session 5. There are some sample letter writing prompts below.
Group Work Options
Participants can work through the themes and character analysis by way of personal reflection, discussions, and/or creative expression:
Journaling: Participants can be prompted to write about a time when they had to make a difficult decision, similar to Lily’s. How did they feel, and what guided their decision? Or, perhaps they want to work through the feelings of having a loved one who stayed in a relationship like this and how they were impacted.
Group Discussion: During group discussion it is important to create a safe space for participants to share their thoughts on the book and how it resonates with their personal experiences. Everyone may have different interpretations of the book and characters, that is the beautiful thing about sharing in a group, you are introduced to things you may not have otherwise thought of, and you hear of real life experiences that provide new perspectives.
Art Therapy: Encourage participants to create art that reflects their feelings after reading the book. This could be through drawing, painting, or collage. Many people find art therapy to be the ultimate catharsis. Even using coloring pages can be helpful.
Letter Writing: Have participants write a letter to a character in the book or to themselves, expressing their emotions and thoughts. This is a technique I have used with clients in a variety of ways including writing a letter to their younger self or writing a letter to forgive themselves or someone else. The letters are not meant to be sent, but writing things done can make it more real and for some people is the best way they know how to express themselves.
Session 6
The goal of the final session is to provide space for final reflections on progress made and the overall experience.
Discussion on Moving Forward: Talk about the importance of recognizing unhealthy patterns and seeking support. Encourage participants to think about the resources they might need in their own lives.
Goal Review: Everyone can review their goals that they wrote in their workbooks and share how the group helped with those goals
Resource Sharing: Provide information on local domestic violence resources, and other support services.
Follow-Up
Check-In: After the final session, follow up with participants individually to ensure they are coping well and offer additional support if needed
Optional Reading: Suggest other books or articles that deal with similar themes for those who may want to explore the topics from the book further.
Movie: Since this particular book has been made into a mainstream movie, seeing the movie can be a suggestion for participants. It is important that they feel ready to watch something that can evoke such strong emotions especially when the movie might not be exactly like the book.